I need a favor...

I know I have been AWOL for the longest time. I have my reasons , most of which are too painful to articulate.

I have been getting emails and gentle reminders from some of you who used to read my blog and I am so thankful to you guys for not writing me and my blog off. So going by the assumption that my blog continues to have some readership, I have a favor to ask.

Does anyone know anything about the Stem Cell Research scene in India , especially in Bangalore? I did read a couple of articles that mentioned IISc and AIIMS. I was wondering if anybody had any information about what kind of research is being  conducted specifically to cure metastatic breast cancer? If you do come across some information, would you be so kind as to pass it along my way please? Please. I would be immensely grateful.

I am afraid this is all I have for now. I will be back soon and I will write more and stop being so cagey. But for now, this is all I can manage.

Thank you all so much.

I am still here...

My last post was a while ago. Every so often, I would have these surgent thoughts but I never got down to putting them down on paper. I could have written post after post about how much I hate my new job already or about how weird and petty my current boss is. I guess I was just too overwhelmed with it all because I felt incredibly ungrateful whenever I complained about my new job.I still have a job that pays and this counts for a lot these days. It has been an extremely hectic past few weeks. New job, new people, new culture, new rules, new job profile. Its been 5 weeks and I am nowhere close to feeling at ease.

It finally took this post by Cluelessness to shake me out of this bout of inactivity and attempt to revive my blog. I am in that really fun phase where I am constantly looking for ideas to decorate my house. I have all these plans that seem really cool in my head but its hard to find stuff that fit into my grand scheme of things and bring those plans to fruition. I am thoroughly enjoying the whole process though.There is nothing more exhilarating than the experience of getting to do your home in whatsoever way you think fit! It is for sure work in progress since there is always something or the other that needs to be done or bought or fixed or added or changed!

I am able to keep my sanity intact mainly because I am still on an incredible high, thanks to our new home. It gives me an outlet to let all my frustration out and give it a more creative and constructive outlet. Retails therapy helps some too. La Vida Loca, this is for you :

Update : All is well!

I just spoke to my mother and all is well! Her oncologist confirmed that the lump was not a tumor and he suspects it is due to a hairline fracture of the bone between the breasts which has complicated as it was not attended to earlier. I wasn't paying too much attention after I heard the magic words, "The doc said it is nothing!". That I was worried sick is an understatement. But now all is well and I can go back to giving the new home the attention it deserves!

The past month has been really crazy. Just when something nice would happen, we would get some really bad news and would have to expend all our energy in trying to fix the problem. It was like a really vicious cycle. But I am not complaining because in the end everything worked out for the good.

There have been some recent discussions in the blog world about why people blog and what does blogging mean to them. I thought I blogged because I like to write. But I have come to realize that is so much more. I blog to keep in touch with all you wonderful blog buddies.....people that I haven't met in real life but I feel so connected with.Thank you guys so much for your love and support, it means a lot to me. It was very difficult for me to agonize in isolation and without even realizing, I ended up blogging about how I felt and what was going on with me. And the comments came in immediately. It is this kind of solidarity that I have always craved for.

Out of my self imposed exile

Life has been like a really scary roller coaster ride with so many ups and downs that by the time I would compose my thoughts to blog about one thing, something else would have happened that would need all my attention and energy.

So what have I been upto you ask? Lets see....I was almost laid off from my job. But luckily, I managed to find another fantastic job just in the nick of time. And oh, we bought a new house! Yes people, M and I are proud owners of a warm and cozy home that we both are so much in love with! The whole process of getting to this stage was very grueling but the end result was worth every bit! So almost all my time was devoted to packing and moving and unpacking and then some. Somehow it just dosen't seem to end. There is so much to be done everyday. I will write all about our experience in a seperate post.

But amidst all this excitement, there is so much despair that it makes it almost impossible to feel any happiness. I have already written about my mother's battle with breast cancer and how she overcame it. Just when we were beginning to heave a sigh of relief and forget all about it, she found another lump in her breast and back. She is getting it checked out tomorrow and we will know more by Saturday evening. I have just gone numb from inside. I go about doing my chores mechanically as I feel almost incapable ot feeling anything. My mother is one tough cookie. But she has gone through so much and has been battle-scarred pretty badly. She deserves good health and happiness and peace of mind but instead, a very scary shadow of doubt has been cast. I am hoping and praying fervently that the lumps turn out to be benign and that it is nothing serious. I will be starting my new job from Monday so I don't see how I can take off and go to India in case the need arises. I cannot imagine how my parents will handle things by themselves. Its just breaking my heart. I cannot wait for Saturday to know more. At the same time , I don't want Saturday to come.

I love you, Amma. I am hoping and praying that it is nothing....that you will be just fine.

Show me the money (a'la Jerry Maguire..)

The current economic recession has been on everyone's mind from the last few months. Earlier it used to be more of a topic for debate and discussion but off late I have begun to see its impact from close quarters and it doesn't look pretty at all. Things have begun to look a little shaky at work what with the funding for our project being in jeopardy. I hear hushed whispers of how it would be better for all of us if we had "our options open". All kinds of rumors are being circulated and it is just adding to the uncertainty. For now,I am just glad I still have a job! I also see how some very close friends are grappling with their respective situations and it makes me feel very sad and frustrated.

A bunch of us had gone to the Winstar casino in Gainesville, OK, last weekend and for those 3-4 hours, it was so easy to forget about how bad the economy is and how it is impacting everybody. The casino is really huge and 80% of the area was filled with slot machines of different kinds.And every single one of them was occupied! People were merrily gambling away their money and each bet was a minimum of $100. We saw this guy lose $100 in less than 10 seconds at this high stake slot machine and he went on play for yet another $100 bet. We were not too keen on gambling as we were there to just have some fun and take in the sights so we decided to set ourselves a limit of a measly $10 each. The other seasoned gamblers had a good laugh at our expense! But then again it was our hard earned money and we were not willing to part with too much of it so there.

So yeah, its been a mixed start to the new year. There is some uncertainity but the possibilites are endless and I am determined to not get bogged down by the negativity and stay focussed. It is hard but I am sure it can be done.