Thursday, December 8, 2011


Blogger informs me that this would be post #100. Wow. It only took me close to four long years to get here!

I owe my blog big time. When I decided to start blogging, it was just as an experiment. A platform to write. At that point, I had never imagined that I would gain such a wonderful virtual family and some of them would eventually go on to become real life buddies. Or that it  would bring some real life buddies of mine even closer since we were now privy to each other's ruminations and fears and opinions that we wouldn't otherwise share.

I have been out of circulation in the blog world for a long time now. I kept disappearing for long periods of time. And yet, I continued to receive emails from folks I met through my blog, inquiring about my mother or just saying hello for which I am truly grateful and touched.

A big thank you to all you wonderful folks for being there and not giving up on me. I hope to write more often from now on and it would be great to re-connect virtually all over again.

Do stop by and say hello, won't you?

Monday, December 5, 2011


Its a dull and dreary day outside. The skies are dark and grey much like the mood that I am in presently.

I have been wanting to jump-start this blog into action for a while now and every time I sat to write, I blanked out completely. I have so much to say but I seem to run out of words, a situation that is very alien to me. 

It has been a very rough year especially the past few months. My mom succumbed to cancer and breathed her last in October. Needless to say, it was very very hard to see her suffer and then to lose her. I literally saw her take her last breath and I am still tortured by the memories of those last few days in the hospital before she passed on. I stayed on with my dad for a few weeks until he was ready to go back to work and then flew back home. I was obviously torn between not wanting to leave my dad by himself and having to come back and pick up from where I left off and get back to my life and my husband and my job. It has been an uphill task of trying to restore some semblance of normalcy in my life.

I read Chandni's post a few days ago and it felt like looking into a mirror. Especially the part about finding it very difficult to reach out to people and ask for help. I somehow feel that if people around me know me well enough, they would understand me and my emotional state of mind and realize that I did need them and they would reach out to me instead of waiting for me to do so. But I guess I was wrong and most people just assumed that I am really strong and am holding up well enough to be left alone. I am extremely grateful to the handful that reached out and wistful about the majority that just let me fend for myself.

I need some serious therapy it looks like! I just realized how dark this post is. Yuck. I hope that changes soon enough.