The Single Child Syndrome

I have never really liked being the only child. As a kid, I used to terribly miss the company of a sibling and had my heart set on an elder brother for some reason. My mother would try her best to explain how this was biologically non-viable but to no avail. After a while, when I was old enough to realize that my parents had no plans of expanding our family, I resigned myself to the depressing fact that I will be the unhappy,solitary child forever.My mother fearing that I would fall prey to the much-dreaded single child syndrome made it a point to inculcate the virtues of sharing in me and was in fact a bit too successful. As a result, I have very generously donated away my expensive, foreign toys and rare set of play things made out of clay by artisans in some remote place in Tamil Nadu.The sole exception was my collection of golis (marbles) which I refused to part with.I started with 5 of them and went on to amass as many as 200 marbles which I won fair and square in the goli matches from boys of all ages and sizes.But I digress.So the only hitch was when it came to sharing people, especially those close to me. If some kid as much as held my parents’ hand, I would get jealous! My friends were not allowed to be friends with any other kid. They were my friends. Period.And this trait just stayed on.

I have always found it painfully difficult to compete for someone's affection.Simply because I am just not used to it.So when my best friend Mads,decided to become girlfriend-boyfriend with B who happened to a friend of ours,I just refused to accept the change in scenario.I hated B for taking Mads away from us.Mads had to now divide her time and attention between us and him which was just so unfair.How dare he!I am just lucky I have great friends because had it been anyone else,they would have promptly disowned me or worse,completely misunderstood my feelings and intentions.But for some bizzare reason,Mads and B were both very understanding and Mads would actually go out of her way to make sure that I wasn't feeling too left out!

I go through similar emotions with my in-laws.I feel I am constantly competing against my BIL's wife A , for my MIL's affection.And it is just so damn exhausting.For instance,everyone acknowledges openly that I am a better cook than A.Inspite of that, every single time we talk to my in-laws over the phone,I make it a point to instruct M that he has to rave about something that I cooked during that week.And I feel very let down if he doesn't. Well,you get the picture here,don't you.It is not like I am trying to prove that I am better.All I want is for my MIL to love me more.And this is the only way I know to compete for someone's affection;by proving that I am better than my competitor.See how I contradict myself here?!And the fact that both A and my MIL are very warm and affectionate and sensible just makes it all the more frustrating.As juvenile as it may all sound,it is something that I have to live with.And when I am in such situations,nothing about what I feel at that moment is juvenile.It is a constant tug-of-war of emotions and believe me when I say that it is very very hard to not let it get the better of me.

I blame it all on my parents.Sigh.If only I had an elder brother.....

Its feeling-all-gurlie'n-pretty good!

I decided to splurge on myself this weekend and booked an evening slot at the ULTA salon.The prices are steep but the service at the salon is just awesome and the end-result is worth every damn penny!Mind you,the salon itself does not look all glamorous and spa-like.In terms of appearance and visual appeal,it lies in between a decent spa and a regular Super Cuts.So I was a little skeptical about what to expect especially since I was just about to burn a huge hole in my pocket.I was looking forward to get my hair cut by a gay male stylist with an exotic South American or French lineage and an unpronounceable name and incomprehensible accent.The lady at the front desk said that my stylist for the evening was "Naaa-chhh-chh-mae".It turns out that the stylist assigned to me was in fact this elderly Pakistani lady called Najma.So much for all the anticipation!I was so disappointed that my fantasy was shattered this badly that I forgot to greet the lady even.

Now as a rule,I usually refrain from conversing in Hindi with fellow-countrymen-strangers because some of them mistake this friendly gesture as an invitation to discuss all aspects my personal life.If it is a lady and she is older,the conversation invariably goes something like this :

[1] Older desi lady : Are you married?
Me : Yes

[2] Older desi lady : Do you have kids?
Me : No.Not yet.

[3] Older desi lady : *Loud Gasp* And pray,why not?
Me *smiling politely and shrugging shoulders and thinking* : None of your damn business,lady.

So I was somewhat pleasantly surprised when Najma turned out to be the non-conversational kind.After about 20 minutes into my appointment,we started conversing generally and discussed hair maintenance and conditioning.And then she abruptly announced that she was from Pakistan and asked me about my origins.I explained.In my head I go "Uh-ooooh,there we go." Then, in true desi style, followed the much dreaded questions.She asked me questions [1] and [2] and I answered them as mentioned above.And then she said , "Oh,whats the hurry anyway?Enjoy yourselves thoroughly before the inevitable responsibility falls on your shoulder." I couldn't believe my ears! The jinx was finally broken! I gradually warmed up to her and found myself talking to her in Hindi! We went on to discuss a variety of subjects ranging from real estate in the city to recipes to weather in our respective countries and I actually quite enjoyed our conversation! She even rattled away the recipe of her famous gosht biryani while she deep conditioned my hair.Just that she kept saying gosht over and over and over again that I finally had to admit to her that I was vegetarian and that I would probably stick to vegetables for my version of the biryani. She of course was shocked and tried to convey to me as politely as possible that biryani without meat was akin to sacrilege of the highest degree. She was relieved to an extent only after I revealed that M was as carnivorous as one could possibly be and he would certainly enjoy her gosht version of the dish.But the highlight of the evening was most definitely the super haircut that she gave me...just the perfect length and the perfect number of layers!She even recommended some hair-care products and made sure that I got a 10% off coupon at the front desk.Nice lady!

So here I am with a brand new hair cut and with my hair feeling all soft and shiny and silky.I feel all girlie and pampered and pretty.So what if it cost me a fortune?I am so worth it!*Grin*

Tag-me-along!

I was itching to blog but there were just so many ideas running amok in my head that I decided to sleep on it. It was way too much trouble to make a decision on what the topic of the day should be. And then comes along just passing by with this tag, thus making my job that much easier! So here goes nothing.

1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it.
I have several prize-winning scars mainly due to the tom-boyish lifestyle that I had so proudly adopted back when I was a kid. If I had to pick one, it would have to be the 2-inch gash on my right leg.

So I was playing cricket with the gang on the street when I accidentally stepped on a rusty metal strip that’s used to pack wooden boxes. I took another step and the next thing I know, I have a metal strip stuck in my right ankle and there is blood all over the place! The brave kid that I was, I walked all by myself in that condition to the doctor’s house. (She was my mother’s friend and lived close by.)And not once did I flinch anytime during the stitches or the tet-vac injection that followed. And the scar lives on to tell the tale of my spunk!

2. What is on the walls in your room?
Right now, there is a beautiful wall hanging of Ganapathi. Earlier we had 2 huge posters of McLaren,the hubby’s logic being : That is what you worship and this is what I worship. Go figure.

3. What does your phone look like?
I have a Motorola Razr V3.It is silver in color with black display.You get the picture don’t you? No? Then go here.

4. What music do you listen to?
Everything goes. Western classical (Bach) to Carnatic music(U Srinivas’s mandolin) to Bollywood hungama to Barry Manilow.

5. What is your current desktop picture?
Blue sky with white clouds and a lush green lawn.

6. What do you want more than anything right now?
For things that are in not in my control but which tend to affect me nevertheless, to sort themselves out.

7. Do you believe in gay marriage?
Yes. What is not to believe?

8. Are your parents still together?
Very much so.

9. What are you listening to?
Sound of the printer and that of my colleague typing away at her desk.

10. Do you get scared of the dark?
Ooooh yes.

11. The last person to make you cry?
My aunt.

12. What kind of hair/eye type do you like on the opposite sex?
I don’t much care about the type of hair/eye as much as I care about whether it is clean or not. Hair should be washed and should smell good and should be well maintained, as far as I am concerned.

13. Do you like pain killers?
Like is a wee bit extreme here,aint it?If I am in pain and I cannot bear it then yes,I would like to take a pain killer,thank you very much.

14. Are you too shy to ask someone out?
I never had to so I guess I will never know!

15. Favourite pizza topping?
Paneer, green pepper, onion, cheese and fennel seeds.

16. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?
Piping hot phulkas with chayote (seeme badnekaayi ) palya, cucumber salad and curd rice with mango pickle and the palya. *GRIN*

And now, in true blogger-style,I hereby tag Maddy,Mri and Divya and request them to do the needful.

And anyone else interested in taking up this tag is most welcome to do so :-)

Of birthdays and celebrations

I love celebrating birthdays, especially mine. The funny thing is when I was a kid, my birthday was just another day of the year for everyone including myself and not much importance was given to it. The first time I ever cut a cake on my birthday was when I was 16 years old! When I turned 16, for reasons only best known to my progenitors, suddenly my birthday celebrations assumed epic proportions and was treated like a festival of sorts. My mother would prepare this elaborate meal that consisted of at least 5 courses and 2 desserts and only my closest of friends and my maternal grandparents and aunts (all of whom lived close by) were invited. The not-so-close friends who dropped by all day long were served snacks and juice. And then came the presents. Anyone who came home would get me a present and a card, simply because it was the cardinal rule and had to be followed in order to gain entry into my humble abode. See, I wasn’t greedy or evil for that matter. But for someone who never really had traditional birthdays as a kid, this was my chance to make up for all the lost years. I absolutely loved to be the center of so much attention and would go around announcing that it was my birthday to anyone who cared to listen.

So with this being the state of affairs, imagine my bewildered state of mind when I realized that M does not believe in grandiose when it comes his birthday celebration. Well, its not that he does not enjoy being pampered on his birthday or any other day; just that he does not expect it or demand it and will not be disappointed in case it doesn’t happen. Unlike me; I do not think this kind of behavior is normal and will not endorse it or resort to it. Ever. So the man refuses to wear new clothes on his birthday because apparently he hates it when people go, “Hey, happy birthday. And look, new clothes!” He refuses to tell me what he wants for his birthday present. Now it is not like he does not believe in receiving presents; just that he wants to surprised. Of course he will be surprised because the only kind of presents he likes has to be electronic and must beep and light up. In fact, the first gift I ever gave him was a remote-controlled car and I secretly feel that it was then ,that his belief that he had made the right choice, was infact reinforced. Now, do you have any idea how extremely exhausting it is to think of such contraptions for every gift-giving occasion?

So during one of our random conversations, when he mentioned offhandedly about how he would just love to get hold of some books written by Mark Tully, I immediately knew what had to be done. I browsed through a couple of bookstores but none of them had a copy of No Full Stops in India. And I couldn’t even buy it online since he would be around when it would be delivered and that would spoil the surprise. So I placed a request at a local Barnes and Nobles and pestered them until they had a copy of the book for me. I was sooo excited about having bought the perfect gift for him that I blurted it out to him, 3 days before his birthday.Errrrr so much for not wanting to ruin the surprise!And the next day we went over to M’s brother’s house and the first thing that my BIL did was to thrust this gift bag in M’s hands. M thanked him and kept the bag aside and continued with the conversation. After 3 minutes, my BIL couldn't take it anymore and yells excitedly, ”Open the bag right now and see what we got for you.” So M does as he is told only to discover a Micro Flyers wireless indoor helicopter inside the bag. M grins happily. And my BIL is chattering away about how he thought of the gift and went about buying it and couldn’t wait to give it to M.

Its M’s birthday today. He plans to wear the new outfits that I got him for his birthday on Friday. He will not be getting any gifts today as his wife and brother turned out to be over-excited-blabber-mouths. (See what the pressure of getting the perfect gift can do to people?) I made kaju burfi for him last night in an attempt to make up for being an over-excited-blabber-mouth. And also because he absolutely loves kaju burfi.

Our conversation from Sunday night after I just got home from the Sathya Narayana Puje at my aunt’s place:

I : I got Bisi Bele Bath for you. My aunt made it. It tastes really really good.

After inspecting the aforementioned BBB,

M : It doesn’t look like the BBB you make. I don’t think it will taste just as good. So no, I don’t want to eat it.

:-)

Happy Birthday, M!

Wanting what you don't have and having what you don't want..

The weather outside is just perfect. A slight drizzle, temperature in the 80s and the sun nowhere to be seen. Perfect for taking the day off and staying in, snuggling with M on the couch, eating hot bajjis, drinking a big mug of piping-hot-elaichi-ginger tea and watching a nice desi movie. If only …*Sigh*

Last year, the same time around, I was still a grad student on a dependent visa which meant that I could not be legally employed. I remember how I used to hate spending time at home and couldn’t wait to get a job and start working all over again! And now the very thought of being able to stay home and laze around excites me no end! I couldn’t wait for us to buy another car so that I could gallivant all around town and go on those impromptu shopping sprees all by myself. And now the very thought of any driving other than that short, inconspicuous 10-minute drive to work, kinda puts me off! I couldn’t wait to start my new job as I could get to have my own space without any intrusions or having someone breathing down my neck all the time, like the case was in my previous workplace. And now I find my current work place boring because everyone keeps to themselves and the interaction between all of us is limited to our weekly meetings or when we bump into each other at the water cooler area or in the wash room.And hence...the title!

Actually the title of the post best describes my wardrobe situation.I never seem to have the right clothes to take on a trip or the right clothes to wear on a particular occasion.I never seem to have the right clothes or enough clothes for that matter.Period.M learnt very quickly that the best way to tackle the clothes-situation was to ignore it.But my mother somehow would get very flustered when I would complain about my non-existent problem.She could not fathom how her offspring turned out to be like this.So every time I would complain about how I had no clothes to wear,she would say "Thathasthu" and secretly hoped that someday I would find myself in exactly that situation.What love!

Something that I have never been able to justify though is how I have all these outfits in my closet which I chose and bought myself but went on to hate their very existence for some inexplicable reason,and that too after wearing them just the one time.

Of people and their names

---I know atleast 5 females named Arathi(and all the mutations/variations of the spelling of the name*phew*) and atleast 5 people of the male persuasion named Shreyas.

All the Arathi-s I know :

*are eccentric;some in a good way and some in a not-so-good way

*have short,straight,black hair

*are intelligent

*are fickle-minded

*do not make very good friends

*make great acquaintances

All the Shreyas-es I know :

*are cool dudes

*are fun to be around

*are super-talented in some form of art

*are good-looking

*have a great sense of humor

---I love the name Rhea and it happens to be quite a common name.Yet,I do not "know know" anyone named Rhea.

---In all this time that I have lived in this country,I am yet to meet a "John Smith" or a "John" or a "Smith".So much for commonality!

--I know tons and tons of Priya-s and none of them have anything in common except their names.

:-)

Fond memories

I have the fondest of memories of Independence Day celebrations back in high school.

Every single year our school would organize this cultural program that consisted of some dance performances and a couple of skits interspersed with some patriotic songs belted out by the school's prayer group.And no points for guessing who was an integral part of almost all the performances on the list.Yes people,apparently I was super-talented as a kid!But as I grew older,the talent went into hiding somewhere,never to be seen again.Sigh!So yes,the cultural program.It just so happened that due to some strange coincidence,the teacher in charge of the dance that I was a part of would invariably want us to buy an elaborate(read expensive) costume and jewelery to go with it.And my mother would invariably go ballistic when she found out what the dress cost, at the store.The first year emotional blackmail worked and the year after, a temper tantrum did the trick and she caved in.But after that,she wisened up and just wouldn't budge no matter what I did or said.Luckily,it was the same case with several of my friends and so we ended up doing what any self-respecting teenager would loathe to do.Borrow!

The best part of it all was that we would be called for practice during class hours!So we got to miss class officially and we would run past the infuriated Physics teacher going "yaaaaaaay dance practice",much to the chagrin of those who were not participating in the dance and had to stay back in class!The practice sessions were so much fun especially if it was a boy-girl dance.Most of the boys were awkward dancers and they had not,an inkling of grace.So it was fun just watching them attempting to dance because we knew that with the exception of a handful of them, the rest of the lot were just trying to impress us!D-day itself was an affair to remember.....all the performers in their colorful costumes ,the younger kids running around , laughing and screaming,the teachers dressed in the tricolor,the parents with their cameras flashing away!We then sang and danced and pranced around and performed to glory.And all the fun and games came to a befitting end when the prayer group sang the National Anthem and our National Flag was hoisted and everyone present stood there in attention and solidarity and with pride.

I am glad that this celebration and fun is what I associate with Independence Day.I am glad that my patriotism and love for my country are perennial and I do not associate or limit these sentiments with or to a particular date.I am glad that I do not have to resort to gimmicks to express my sentiments.

Happy Independence Day and a very happy anniversary to my ajji and thatha!