Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Of being different

I get that a lot.People telling me that I am "different" from the other girls they have ever known.
Maybe.May not be.Depends on who is asking the question.Of course it has nothing to do with my sexual orientation.Just in case your devious minds are conjuring up any such idea.It is just all about the preconceived notions that one has when meeting someone for the first time.

In school and then while in college during my PU(pre-university) days,I was very lucky to have met like minded people and formed bonds that have withstood the test of time.Trouble started when I got into Engineering College.I met so many people from so many different schools and backgrounds and while I always thought I blended well into the crowd,everyone else begged to differ. They felt I was different.That I stood out from the rest of the crowd.And why was that?Because I spoke good English.I loved to read.I loved sports and was good at it too.I was comfortable in the company of guys.I was good at academics but was ever ready to bunk classes and go watch a movie.I loved to participate in debates and quizzes as well as song and dance programs.I wore glasses.I enjoyed a good discussion.I appreciated honesty and openness.All of which seemed pretty normal to me since that was the kind of person I was all along.

All my close friends enjoyed doing pretty much the same things and nobody had a problem until then.As time passed and I realized that I had trouble making good friends,I began to feel the difference too.I had just then read Ann Rynd's Fountainhead and was able to identify so much with Howard Roark.Not that I was as anti-social as he was but I did prefer to hang out with like minded people and that was proving to be increasingly difficult.So I did the next best thing.I settled.Well actually I had just become more open minded and realized that I have to expand my horizon and be more accepting of people just as I expect of them.But at that point,it seemed to me like I was just making a comprise.So I did get to hang out with friends and we did have a good time but there was something amiss.

I have met a lot of people ever since and made many friends too.But I have been subjected to the "you are so different" tag ever so often.In fact, just last week, I was chatting with a friend of mine and he said and I quote,

"but you know,you don;t look the filmy types..more like the studious non responsive,books only matter types but i guess looks can very deceptive"

This was just after I told him all about how the husband and I met and fell in love!

I guess ultimately it is all about choice and preference and tastes.And also knowing that one needs to be open minded and less rigid when it comes to making friends and meeting people.And steering clear of preconceived notions does help to a large extent.But then just like how you fall in love with THE one,just like that, with the knowledge that he/she is so right for you,making good friends is also a similar process.It doesn't take much to realize that you can get along really well with someone.Blogging is a one such example.I met a couple of bloggers for the first time without having interacted much except for the occasional emails and chat conversations on gTalk and we hit it off instantly.What say,Dottie?

Its like how I like Aamir Khan for his intelligence whereas I don't quite care for SRK.Not to say that AK does not have any flaws and that he is perfect.Or that SRK is a duech bag.Its just that I like AK despite his flaws because his intelligence and brilliance and the way he thinks all of which outweigh his flaws.


Anonymous said...

I kept shaking my head in agreement all along while reading this post.

Throughout academics, I did not know which "group" I fit into. I scored pretty well consistently, but never ever sat in the first bench soaking up gyaan. And I sometimes thought the last bench fun crowd was over the top and pretty shallow. Just tagged along and had fun anyways....

Anonymous said...

I agree with Clueless.

I was always a back bencher yet scored pretty well in school and had real good friends and did well in extra curricular activities too. But there was always that crowd that thought otherwise. I guess they were just J ! ;-)))

Anonymous said...

Oh and this font is too small ya...sakkat small actually..

La vida Loca said...

Have to agree.
Although I thought(and still do think) that I am a mistfit in any given group.

I love Lucy said...

@clueness : Wish we had met during college!I am sure we would have had a blast!!

@SnS : I am just not able to change the font size for some reason.I can change the color but not the size :(

@Loca : I could and still can be a part of any group.That was never an issue.But I guess did stand out and in some cases apparently intimidated some people without my knowledge to the extent that they were wary about hanging out with me!

Anonymous said...

I can so understand! Only that, my 'being different' was noticed more and commented upon once I started work. I think it's more about finding people who are alike, there are ofcourse, but you're not always lucky to find them. And that is one reason I keep cribbing about the place I work for 9 hours a day!

Oh btw, the font shows huge and in bold now :)

DewdropDream said...

I felt like a misfit all through school, PU, undergrad AND postgrad. Surprisingly though, I've gotten on very well with colleagues at all jobs I've held so far... wonder what that says about me?

Mama - Mia said...


i think its always more difficult when you have once in your life found those perfect people you have for friends!

and then as hard as you try, its difficult to not compare! nahi?!

i have been pretty much an easy going person who can get along with just anybody! yet, it is alag when i am with my core group which was like 3 years ago, the last time! sigh!

niiice post!



Thought Room said...


That took me on a journey. I had always been a "One best friend person" till college. Especially in the final year. A few field trips, and project works, got quite a few like minded of us together. It was a great year, and we still keep in touch, when we can. I then found out that every one was so different. Even in a group, each one views the other through the parameters of their life, and sees themselves apart. While some push on to remain apart, in spite of the group, some prefer to blend in, so they would not showup as different. Thanks for visiting

I love Lucy said...

@divyaiyer : Aah story of my life as well!Just that by the time I started working,I had kinda gotten used to the art of "fitting in" and managed to make some good friends too!

@dewdrop : That you finally got lucky and got what you so richly deserved?Good friends. :-)

@Abha : Oh you said it alright!It makes so much sense.Yes,we do tend to get used to and pampered by our friends from our niche` group and we tend to expect the same everywhere we go!

@Thoughtroom : Aaah!Well said as usual.
Thats exactly how I see myself.I try to blend in and accept others despite their flaws to whatever extent I can so that I don't seem too anti-social.It is hard at times though especially when dealing with certain people!

DotThoughts said...

hehehehe. see what i say i always think i could have hung out with you in college! there's totally my type of girl (in a very platonic way)

I love Lucy said...

@dottie : yes yes..my soul sistah!

Abhipraya said...

oh I can so relate to what you have said. I "settled" for a looong time. It is only when I went to do my PG and met like minded people did I realise how much I missed it! Now I am choosy about the friends I make, no mood to settle :)

Oh and I know its none of my business but your mention about how you met your husband has me all curious :D

I love Lucy said...

@abhipraya : i guess as we grow older and especially live in a different country,the luxury of picking and choosing friends is no longer there.

and yeah,that story is fodder for another post altogether! :)